THE MADNESS OF KING DONALD

       

If you didn’t actually see him say it yourself, you wouldn’t believe anybody who told you about it later.

“No, he didn’t. Stop it. Nobody would suggest injecting disinfectant to treat anything. What am I, an idiot? You must’ve heard wrong.”

Uh…actually, he did.

On Thursday, April 23, 2000, Mr. Trump stood behind the lectern in the White House press room at the daily Coronavirus Task Force briefing and mused aloud whether medical experts should study injecting disinfectant into people to kill the virus. But that was only the half of it. That jaw-dropper followed his original corrective suggestion of subjecting the human body to heat and light as a possible cure.

These witless wanderings followed a presentation from William Bryan, undersecretary for Science and Technology at the Department of Homeland Security, who presented results of a study showing how the coronavirus deteriorates on surfaces and in the air more quickly when subjected to higher temperatures and humidity. He also said his office was studying how certain disinfectants might kill the virus more effectively than others, referencing isopropyl alcohol and bleach.

Seizing on a connection that doesn’t exist – between humans and Formica – that nobody over the age of three would ever make, Trump began inquiring about using light and heat as part of a potential cure.

“So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous – whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light – and I think you said that hasn’t been checked but you’re going to test it,” Trump said to Bryan who was sitting next to Dr. Deborah Birx, medical coordinator of the White House Task Force who was experiencing a belief meltdown internally. “And then I said, supposing you brought the light inside of the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. And I think you said you’re going to test that too. Sounds interesting.”

Deluded into believing he was onto something, and with rhetorical bit now firmly in his teeth, the President next floated the head-spinning theory about the potential use of disinfectants on Covid-19 patients.

“And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning?” Trump said to Dr. Birx. “Because you see it gets in the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check that. So you’re going to have to use medical doctors with — but it sounds interesting to me.”

OMG! This, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t Benny Hill, it’s the President of the effing United States of America. I mean, you knew he was unqualified for the job when he got elected, but…

When I was four, my mom was painting the kitchen and had to go to the garage for something. She left a cut-in-half milk carton full of turpentine on the table. What did I know? Evidently, as much as President Dr. Numbskull. I thought the turpentine smelled good, and at age four smelled good equalled tasted good. So I drank some.

Next thing I know, I was in the hospital getting my stomach pumped. I guess I could’ve been President of these United States.

Inject disinfectant into a person because it kills the virus on a countertop? This is the guy who’s in charge? The Madness of King Donald. And, of course, there are already reports of True Believers taking his advice and swallowing it because that’s what True Believers do, sadly.

“The whole world is watching,” he said proudly at Friday’s briefing, the one that lasted only 22 minutes and ended without questions, because where the hell do you go from Thursday?  Yeah, the whole world is watching. That’s the problem.

Please, I know you personally keep Coronavirus away with daily tanning bed sessions, but couldn’t you inject some disinfectant too? Just to make sure. Puh-lease!

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